大头小晛晛

 

The OutKast star worries about his muse.

Andre 3000 doubts he will marry, for fear of his creativity drying up.

The OutKast star, who front's the band's 'Love Below' project, has a son with soul singer Erykah Badu, but dismisses thoughts of taking a relationship to the next level.

"Me and a friend of mine were having this discussion, 'Do artists get better when they get married or do they get worse?'," he said in a recent interview.

"It seems like they get worse. "It's crazy because most of the great songs are about somebody being hurt or the search for love, but, once you find it, it's like nobody wants to hear the whole song."

 

我也觉得是..当脑袋里只有一个人的时候, 会发现一直在重复自己说过的话和做过的事. 言谈举止都有那个人的影子. 情歌真的很没意思. 因为爱就是爱啊, 没什么别的好说的. 但是矢恋或者期待的空窗期歌真的比较有意思, 因为感情内容也丰富了许多.

有人跟我说"SHANE你25岁之前可以随便DATE AROUND, HANG OUT AND HAVE FUN, 怎样都好, 就是不要有固定的RELATIONSHIP. 因为你有了固定的人了,你就不会再去改变自己,让自己在各方面进步."

婚姻的确是陷阱. 要不就是别人来翘你的钱,结了婚然后再离. 要不就是外遇. 还得生孩子. 真烦人.

我现在知道为什么两年半来我还是一个人, 因为我太怕失去的滋味了..所以也就不想拥有什么了. YEA I CAN DATE AROUND AND HAVE FUN GET DRUNK AND DO WHATEVER. I JUST DON'T WANNA GET SERIOUS. COZ I KNOW IT'LL HURT.也许这样并不幸福, 但我会感觉比较好一点.

一个人的生活对我的创作有很多的帮助. 我一个人, 可以有更多的空间独自思考. 我一个人, 会有更多机会跟更多人沟通. 我一个人,可以我行我素. 就算是我想哭, 我也不会想让人来看我,安慰我. 我哭就是想抒发感情, 我就是想哭个痛快. 一个人哭, 不用担心别人会不会烦. 一个人可以找到属于自己的真理, 不用担心别人的眼光, 看清楚了, 也就不会被骗. 一个人, 可以更多时间工作, 更多时间娱乐, 更多时间休息.

我现在用不找爱情, 只要面包. 我不会伤害任何人, 但我也不会让自己被任何人伤害.

 

actually last night kinda sucked coz my dad's car stopped at 101 freeway last night. and he got all pissed off. i'm glad that he didn't get into any accidents. but i was kinda pissed off too coz he was gonna get my the freaken macbook and now everything's ruined. but again, i got home today and he told me he fixed the car. it's just the alarm. he says something like if the alarm doesn't work out then the engine will automatically stop or something. i don't know how that really works but yea cool. i guess i'll bug him about the macbook tomorrow. haha~! well, it's not like he's gonna pay for it. coz now they have this no payment within 6 months thing, so  all i need is his credit card number. but i don't wanna make him feel like i'm still spending a lot. i just dont wanna make him feel bad. coz he gets angry pretty easily. he needs anger management, just like me. but since my mom and my bro left, he's so much nicer. maybe i should take advantage of this october and get all i want. muhahahahahahaha...

today i feel like i'm more ready for the world. maybe just a lil bit. but when i see some girls at my age and what they do and how they handle their stuff, and i look at me. i just feel like, wow..all these are worth it. but no, i don't always compare myself with ppl who are steps behind me. i almost always look at what's in front of me and those ones on top. this is the day i really wanna say i believe in myself. this is the day i'm not afraid of what's in front of me.

3 years ago i thougt i had it all. i thought i could give up anything just to keep what i had. but i was wrong. somehow it's always like this. i always go like "God i need this, don't take it away", and God will. so i guess it's better if i just stop talking to him. shortly after that i learned a lot, and situations forced me to think of a lot of things.

couple months ago i used to be like a freaken control freak of my life. i was like "OMG i have to do this. i have to do that. if  i don't then i'll die. that's not the life i want!!..." now it's just like...it doesn't matter as long as i'm doing my best. i just wanna be more honest with myself and what's really going on in my life. the things i have control of, i'll do all i can to get what i want. but if i don't have the control..i'll just let it go and see what comes up.

a lotta changes came into my life since school started. and definitely i learned to deal with changes in a much more mature way. again situations forced me to think and evaluate myself. and definitely i'm more honest with myself. i think i deserve a party for that. coz i thought i'll have another breakdown. but no more breakdowns! september had definitely taken me to a new level.

九月中又到了.

 

在我的生活规律里, 九月中旬到十月中旬是辞职的季节. 我会换工作, 我身边的人也都换工作, 包括我爸. 大家都是事先骑驴找马的找工作. 也不知到都哪里来得默契, 都在这个季节里换工作. 当大家听到互相生活的转变时, 都多少有些惊讶. 也为彼此祝贺.

不管是好是坏, 日子总要过. 有好的机会,就要变. 不能总呆在井里.

鞋不舒服, 那就要换. 多么简单的道理, 但为什么那么多的人都不能理解?

然而有又有多少时候我要穿上黑色的高跟鞋,藏着脚底的不舒适,又带着真诚的笑脸去走通向为来的路?今天还有一个小朋友问我:"你不是觉得那样比较开心么?为什么不那么做呢?" 我说,"人长大了,就有两种事情分成两份放在你面前. 一个是你喜欢做的, 一个是你应该做的."

 

在很快的几天之内,我就要独自迈入人生的新阶段. 面对这个急转弯, 我真的很紧张. 我也好奇会发生什么新鲜事. 我也会想在这未来的一阶段, 又是谁会为我护航. 我也问上帝, 这一次我又要学到怎么样的功课. 我也害怕..因为,护航的人变了, 一切也就要靠自己了. 如果自己不够坚强, 那就会轻易的被别人改变方向. 我很害怕. 我很想哭. 但是我知道我不应该哭, 所以我现在没有眼泪.

 

我很希望自己能像大雁一样, 跟真好多同伴一起飞. 不管遇到什么, 都有同伴在我的左右. 可是当猎人射箭, 落下来的大雁不还是要独自面对死亡么?

 

如果蝴蝶历经千辛万苦, 脱开了虫宝宝的外壳, 展不开翅膀,飞不起来怎么办?

 

每当我失去什么的时候, 我都安慰自己说"旧的不去新的不来. 这地球少了谁都能转. 过去的就放手. 连头都不要回." 我不喜欢看到的就是别人离去的背影. 所以当别人走的时候我都看别的. 我也很讨厌当最后一个知道事情的人. 不过还好,当我知道我不喜欢当最后知道的人那天起, 我就再也没当过那个人.

 

我觉得我应该去当演员. 因为再不开心的事, 我都能在第一反应之前就装的特别开心. 有时候觉得我真虚伪. 但是哭有能解决什么问题呢?

 

还记得一年多以前学到的: 没有什么能跟我一辈子. 就连我自己都会变, 何况身外之物和身边的人呢?

 

我很想去问妈妈 :当爸爸拿着护照告诉她说他要去美国, 她是怎么反映的? 如果换做是我, 那时候我会觉得在一刹那间和眼前的这个人拉远了好多的距离. 好像短了线的风筝, 看得到,但却追不回来了. 而在这千里迢迢的距离中间, 把他们两个连在一起的又是什么? 是我? 是那台电话? 还是那无数张的电话卡? 分手可以是他们最简单的选择. 然而他们选择了最艰难的.

 

一度的温暖

I think i've had an entry using the same title before. it's always been like this. everytime things fall apart, that's when i go to bed and pray and cry in the dark. i don't think those should be called prayers, those were more like negotiations. yes, i thought i was cool enough to make deals with God just bcoz i'm from the northside. but things will only get more and more cracked up after those "prayers". and the more messed my life gets, the more i blame it on God. and the more deals i try to make with God. i thought i could do it. and the things is, the more deals i'm trying to make, the less faith i have in God. i was afraid to trust him for no reason. coz it always seemed like he's just gonna make a bigger mess for me to "learn".

 

but yesterday i've talked about a lotta things i've seen with ppl. and i just feel like there's nothing that will ALWAYS be there for you no matter what. the most important thing in life, is life. i just feel like this world is so fxxked up and i've been such a control freak over these couple of years. i didn't believe in God because i wanna be in control. i still somehow do. but anways. i wanted to be in control of EVERYTHING that's ever gonna happen to me. it's still a great thought. i don't wanna sweat that. but it's just been so much pressure i've been putting on myself for over a year. a lotta times voices are just telling me that i can't go on anymore.

 

i was listening to mariah carey last night. and i usally skip this track. but last night i just totally had a breakdown over this song. i finally realized that there are things i can take control, for those, i have to make the most out of them. but when it comes to things i have totally no control of, i've got to let it go. once i almost passed out while i was worrying about stuff.

 

and i wanna thank God for giving me this oppurtunity today. and i wanna thank ppl around me for helping me out in everyway they can. it's just so amazing how we've gotten this far.

 

let's pray for the harvest and the breakthrough.